he really wasn't expecting him to explain it more in detail. his grip tightens for a moment before returning to a more relaxed hold.
So that's what he meant... ]
... Like I said before, we woke up at a brothel. We each had a different identity and memories. I was... someone who spent a lot of time there, apparently.
[ yaywon assigned him whore. but it's also why he got flustered when the topic was briefly touched on, because it was such a 180 from how he actually is. ]
We remembered someone killed us but not who, and we had to figure it out to settle the karmic debt. You were the one who killed me. You did it because I was trafficking humans to be experimented on.
… Where we were, people were divided into Humans and Puppets. Puppets were former humans, and while they had their own will to a certain extent, they're ultimately controlled by their creators. That was why every expedition before ours failed.
[ … He exhales, soft and controlled. His grip reacts instinctively in tightening his hold. ]
I was reminded of Seaborn. I thought… maybe I could at least save Reirin if I took out Siffrin and Yosuke. But neither of them blamed me. We just kept going.
I thought about it after. About whether I could kill you as one, or whether you would kill me. You're not someone who accepts two options when you hate both of them. You would have found a third way. Without meeting you, I would've never came to that realisation. If you'd been in full control of your situation from the start, you would have in yours. I have no doubt about that.
[ that does come down to the root of his problem; the belief that there must have been another solution and he failed to grasp it. it makes him worry if he'd flounder in real life like that, and it feels like he should remember something that isn't quite there...
but there's no point in dwelling on that. ]
... I don't know where I'd be if I never ran into you.
[ ...
they reach their room. thorns will have to let go of his hand once inside to go get spare clothes. ]
he will take them to where he keeps his clothes and proceed to demonstrate the most pathetic attempt at changing your clothes while you are missing an arm and the other one is attached to a person. ]
but he will let go of his hand out of pure stubbornness so he can get undressed and changed into fresh clothes. he's still wet but whatever he's an aegir, he can use the moisture. ]
[ And in fact, he still will by adjusting his clothing and toweling parts of him more dry. By the end of it, he just watches for what Thorns decides to do next. ]
there's still things they should talk about. he thinks back to when they were talking at the simulation, and... he blinks. the conversation doesn't really make any sense now, looking back on it, like there's pieces missing.
Fia got angry at me earlier when I told her we don't really tell each other anything. That you probably told others more than what you told me. Whatever you choose to tell me is what I hear, and the I just sort of fill in the blanks around it. It's been like this for a while now, hasn't it? So when you ask me that, I honestly can't give you an answer.
[ Elysium looks down at their hands. He wonders whether this is a symptom of something else, or if it brings Thorns genuine comfort. Or if it's simply a way to make sure he doesn't leave.
His smile is the most uncertain it has ever been. ]
[ he could argue that elysium is the same exact way, and that he had to try to guess how he's feeling half the time. but they're both aware of this, so there really is no point in bringing it up.
that said, he isn't sure how to answer. thorns realizes he has no idea what elysium has been up to here. ]
... I've been trying to talk to people more. Because of the shards.
[ whether he's succeeding or not is debatable. it feels more tiring than before, for some reason. ]
[ He's going to move to sit on the bed just so they aren't awkwardly standing around talking, urging Thorns to do the same. He kicks his feet back and stares at the ceiling. ]
… Yeah? Since the start, I had a feeling it would turn out like this. [ There's really only one thing that'd make him drop everything so desperately. ] I've been engaging with the mazes every way I can. Exploring every nook and cranny, trying everything they ask of me, eating whatever they put in front of me, indulging every gimmick. I keep telling myself I have to do everything. Because if I don't, how could I face myself if I fail?
And now—how could I face you? I wouldn't be surprised if that's how I ended up bald.
[ no that's just val being a bully ]
Whatever happens to me matters less than what happens to you. Otherwise, I wouldn't have come after you earlier. You can imagine I've gotten myself in a lot of trouble because of this. But… I think I'll keep at it. Until the very end.
it's a little astonishing to hear elysium say all of this, and thorns is once against swept away by what an amazing person he is. elysium has a tendency to play off what he does, but at the end of the day, there isn't anyone more thoughtful than he is. no one else who is remotely as supportive, even when their relationship is dire. ]
I think you need to realize how good you are, Elysium. You are a pillar to many.
[ the amount of times that people bring elysium up to him does show how often others think of him.
... there's a pause, and then he mutters, ]
I suppose that explains why you were so concerned about deviancy.
Hah. I couldn't very well call myself a vice captain if I didn't step up when I have to. You try having someone's voice constantly echoing in your head. I don't even have to close my eyes or think that hard to know what my Captain would do.
[ Thorns talking like he's one of the kids being too hard on themselves is honestly embarrassing, because Elysium does know how much he's been running himself ragged these past few weeks. The exhaustion is written all over him, sunk and etched into his bones.
But whatever complicated warmth that thought brings is quickly snuffed out by what Thorns says next. ]
You still remember that…? So much happened between then and now. You should forget about it.
[ "I don't want to hear that from someone who was flushing at the thought of Sylus… of all people… really?" ]
You saying that just makes me want to hear what Hak has to say even more.
[ Thorns… The Streisand Effect…
Elysium is not convinced. ]
My first encounter with him was him asking if I was pregnant and that he wasn't going to take responsibility if I was. I was under the influence that we were together.
[ Like sealing a promise. Except, that promise is only as real as Thorns intends to make good on it. Some habits die hard, like the one where he holds very little against Thorns. ]
… When I checked in on him, he had me noting the number, quality, and placement of the plants and benches around Arcadia, as well as the fruits and their shapes, and whether there was a sign for each of them.
I didn't do that exactly, or course, but I still had to get a estimate to give a believable measure for every metric. That was the most moved I'd ever seen him.
[ "When was the last time I was this desperate? When I crashed your lab everyday?" ]
I don't want to get too into it since it's his personal business, but he handled the situation the worst out of all of us.
[ which is saying something considering thorns has been having this crashout since returning. but he doesn't know yuma well (who does he know well, anyway?) so it might be better if someone he's more used to checks in.
...
he lays down so his back his against the bed, staring at the ceiling. ]
[ it goes into, again, really sitting back and noticing the distance between them. enough people have asked him about elysium that it's obvious people are concerned about him, and thorns has no idea if they're just acquaintances or close.
he hasn't been a good friend. it's probably why he was doing so poorly in the maze at first, until he forced himself to start interacting more whether he wanted to or not. ]
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he really wasn't expecting him to explain it more in detail. his grip tightens for a moment before returning to a more relaxed hold.
So that's what he meant... ]
... Like I said before, we woke up at a brothel. We each had a different identity and memories. I was... someone who spent a lot of time there, apparently.
[ yaywon assigned him whore. but it's also why he got flustered when the topic was briefly touched on, because it was such a 180 from how he actually is. ]
We remembered someone killed us but not who, and we had to figure it out to settle the karmic debt. You were the one who killed me. You did it because I was trafficking humans to be experimented on.
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[ … He exhales, soft and controlled. His grip reacts instinctively in tightening his hold. ]
I was reminded of Seaborn. I thought… maybe I could at least save Reirin if I took out Siffrin and Yosuke. But neither of them blamed me. We just kept going.
I thought about it after. About whether I could kill you as one, or whether you would kill me. You're not someone who accepts two options when you hate both of them. You would have found a third way. Without meeting you, I would've never came to that realisation. If you'd been in full control of your situation from the start, you would have in yours. I have no doubt about that.
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but there's no point in dwelling on that. ]
... I don't know where I'd be if I never ran into you.
[ ...
they reach their room. thorns will have to let go of his hand once inside to go get spare clothes. ]
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[ Anyway.
Thorns is going to have to be the one to the one to let go. Sorry. ]
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well
he will take them to where he keeps his clothes and proceed to demonstrate the most pathetic attempt at changing your clothes while you are missing an arm and the other one is attached to a person. ]
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he just watches this happen until he starts bursting into laughter. ]
You don't want to let go of me that much?
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but he will let go of his hand out of pure stubbornness so he can get undressed and changed into fresh clothes. he's still wet but whatever he's an aegir, he can use the moisture. ]
Brat.
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[ And in fact, he still will by adjusting his clothing and toweling parts of him more dry. By the end of it, he just watches for what Thorns decides to do next. ]
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there's still things they should talk about. he thinks back to when they were talking at the simulation, and... he blinks. the conversation doesn't really make any sense now, looking back on it, like there's pieces missing.
thorns just grabs his hand again. ]
Was there anything else you wanted to know?
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[ Elysium looks down at their hands. He wonders whether this is a symptom of something else, or if it brings Thorns genuine comfort. Or if it's simply a way to make sure he doesn't leave.
His smile is the most uncertain it has ever been. ]
What do you want me to know?
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that said, he isn't sure how to answer. thorns realizes he has no idea what elysium has been up to here. ]
... I've been trying to talk to people more. Because of the shards.
[ whether he's succeeding or not is debatable. it feels more tiring than before, for some reason. ]
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… Yeah? Since the start, I had a feeling it would turn out like this. [ There's really only one thing that'd make him drop everything so desperately. ] I've been engaging with the mazes every way I can. Exploring every nook and cranny, trying everything they ask of me, eating whatever they put in front of me, indulging every gimmick. I keep telling myself I have to do everything. Because if I don't, how could I face myself if I fail?
And now—how could I face you? I wouldn't be surprised if that's how I ended up bald.
[ no that's just val being a bully ]
Whatever happens to me matters less than what happens to you. Otherwise, I wouldn't have come after you earlier. You can imagine I've gotten myself in a lot of trouble because of this. But… I think I'll keep at it. Until the very end.
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it's a little astonishing to hear elysium say all of this, and thorns is once against swept away by what an amazing person he is. elysium has a tendency to play off what he does, but at the end of the day, there isn't anyone more thoughtful than he is. no one else who is remotely as supportive, even when their relationship is dire. ]
I think you need to realize how good you are, Elysium. You are a pillar to many.
[ the amount of times that people bring elysium up to him does show how often others think of him.
... there's a pause, and then he mutters, ]
I suppose that explains why you were so concerned about deviancy.
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[ Thorns talking like he's one of the kids being too hard on themselves is honestly embarrassing, because Elysium does know how much he's been running himself ragged these past few weeks. The exhaustion is written all over him, sunk and etched into his bones.
But whatever complicated warmth that thought brings is quickly snuffed out by what Thorns says next. ]
You still remember that…? So much happened between then and now. You should forget about it.
[ "I don't want to hear that from someone who was flushing at the thought of Sylus… of all people… really?" ]
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I was not flushing at the thought of him. That entire part of my thing was weird. Don't listen to anything Hak says.
[ ughhh
he sighs. ]
... I mentioned him since you asked about familiar faces showing up, and he was the first one who did. That's all.
[ he was going in chronological order in his initial retelling... ]
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[ Thorns… The Streisand Effect…
Elysium is not convinced. ]
My first encounter with him was him asking if I was pregnant and that he wasn't going to take responsibility if I was. I was under the influence that we were together.
[ He is no good. ]
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... It really wasn't anything. I was investigating, so I went to get information from some dancers. He was one of them.
[ who he apparently banged in his brothel backstory but thorns isn't counting any of that because he didn't do it, the other him did. ]
It was just bizarre and memorable.
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Uh huh. Who knew. You were getting up to deviancy far beyond anything I could have imagined…
[ It is strange, being this open with Thorns. Not as strange as it would have been before the past five weeks, but still.
A wry smile. ]
Were you forced to make a choice at the end, too?
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he nods his head at the question though. ]
I knew it was you.
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Knew what was me?
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... Later.
[ he sounds apologetic, at least. ]
If you continue to check on anyone after this, it should be Yuma. He's... Well, he needs it.
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[ Like sealing a promise. Except, that promise is only as real as Thorns intends to make good on it. Some habits die hard, like the one where he holds very little against Thorns. ]
… When I checked in on him, he had me noting the number, quality, and placement of the plants and benches around Arcadia, as well as the fruits and their shapes, and whether there was a sign for each of them.
I didn't do that exactly, or course, but I still had to get a estimate to give a believable measure for every metric. That was the most moved I'd ever seen him.
[ "When was the last time I was this desperate? When I crashed your lab everyday?" ]
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[ which is saying something considering thorns has been having this crashout since returning. but he doesn't know yuma well (who does he know well, anyway?) so it might be better if someone he's more used to checks in.
...
he lays down so his back his against the bed, staring at the ceiling. ]
Who do you talk to here? Your friends.
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[ Idly, he reaches for the covers to tuck Thorns under. What a mysterious question…… why… but he answers it anyway. ]
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he hasn't been a good friend. it's probably why he was doing so poorly in the maze at first, until he forced himself to start interacting more whether he wanted to or not. ]
Sylus, apparently.
[ tis a joke... ]
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